Let's Try this Again

Okay here I am again, going to try to post everyday for a year even if its a short blurb, or just an image. I'v been told by my therapist that it's therapeutic to just write down your thoughts. She however, did not mention to publish it. But, here we go again.

I am now 26 years old. Currently live in Brooklyn, with my new kitten/cat named Mackerel, photo below, and two other guys who are/is not my boyfriend. I am four years closer to 30. I am simultaneously working freelance in the meantime, although on hold, putting a publication of Asian American Female Artists Voices' together with a colleague, and working on my company Bluestem Highway, and I am exhausted.

I am exhausted of perhaps living in New York. However, the small adventures, and interactions with fellow twenty something year olds, keeps me going. I wonder quite often if I'd be more happy somewhere else, perhaps home, perhaps on the west coast, ideally overseas? But, what I am finding is that as I am getting older, I have these constant questions and worries about just making the jump of doing whatever it is that I want. I used to not be like that. I would just... do. Wouldn't even think twenty steps ahead and just go with it. I'd figured it out along the way. Now I second guess almost everything, or ask the opinion of trusted friends and family. And I am pretty sure I have exhausted them of their wisdom. Does it ever stop, will I ever stop, do I need to consciously stop it, "Girl you need to stop questioning yourself."

The only accomplishment I have felt in the last year is being able to do yoga everyday. It keeps me grounded and always makes me in such a better mood. So thank you whoever invented yoga (will be looking this up).

No one ever told you what to expect after college, except for getting a job, get married potentially have kids raise them, then they go off to college. What are you supposed to do in between?

Okay done for now.

First day I got him :) 

Yesterday

In Pursuit: Rolling with Age

25 Has so far brought: 

Starting a company. Realizing that it's right in front of my face, I just need to make it happen. 

The process in which I think is different, but somewhat more often than not, unable to clearly communicate in a way that is more universal. More specifically I don't know how to communicate through writing, clearly. My grammar sucks. 

I use commas stylistically, . My grammar, sucks. 

Wearing lipstick can be fun. 

Its okay to take naps.

Embracing the unknown, because unknowingness will never cease. 

Saving money. 

Saggier boobs, need better bras. 

Appreciation for deeper level conversations. 

Oh my favorite, stretching is my best friend before the following activities: working out, dancing in the kitchen (specifically in underwear. why underwear, I don't know.), well you know, yoga, sitting on train in one position too long, or even an airplane. 

Photos of life lately 

Beautiful light in Soho. 

Our new painting by Michelle Arams

Waiting for the Train as usual. 

Burgundy lippy. Actually really like it. Revlon-Sultry Sable. 

In Pursuit: Juggling

I am sucking at the everyday journaling, mainly because with all the new year's resolutions plus work (job that pays the bills and starting a clothing line) , I don't have time. So I am setting a more realistic goal of once a week.

As of right now in 24 days I will be traveling overseas!!! Whoo!! I am super excited and trying to do and see a much as I can while I am there. This time I am trying to research places that I want to see this time round, and taking less of a back seat this time. Who knows when I'll be traveling back to London, Paris, Bruges, and Wales again?

If anyone out there is actually reading this, would love to hear some recommended places to visit! 

Recently I came across this DIY video from "because I am addicted". Its a DIY video to make your own vitamin citrus water, and maybe it'll be good for the flight across the pond. More to come on whether I'll make it or not.



Anywho a little bit of my favorite part of the apartment.

2014: I am going to do it!

Okay so this year I am going to do it! I am going to write a post on my blog everyday for a year.

I figure I am living in one of the most amazing parts of the country, why not write about it.

So to get everyone up to date, I have been living in New York for about a year and three months. I have an internship, yes only one, under my belt at Suno. I have a part time job at Warby Parker, and live in Brooklyn.

Hopefully this blog will be motivation to start exploring more of New York and post my favorite spots, neighborhoods, etc.

In addition to starting off with the New Year, I am proud to announce that  and I am starting a clothing line with one of my best friends and partner Rory, called Bluestem Highway (our tumblr, website in the works).  Look forward to our collection launching later this year, here in New York and in Kansas City!!!!

Happy New Year everybody!!! Here's to keeping to my goals this year!!

....marriage for people my age

Frequent thoughts when it comes to facebook:

Need to be more private about my life.

People are getting engaged/married and/or having babies.

Political degrading, don't do it, discuss what you stand for not bashing someone else's beliefs and if someone posts their beliefs don't degrade, ask non leading questions to better understand where they are coming from, you don't have to agree with them just be kind, its so simple.

Yes to cute pictures about your life (really no sarcasm there).

Yes to pictures about babies getting older and getting cuter, always.

So more specifically my thoughts on people getting engaged married and/or having babies definitely has been more of a frequent topic of ponderation (didn't even think this was a word but no red underline appeared woo!).

I don't necessarily have any negative thoughts about the amount of people partaking in these events, events I consider extremely important, although I have to admit I did pass judgement ten months ago when the amount of people began to get engaged or married picked up. Initially I was like "woah people slow down, its not time yet! Why are you rushing!?" etc. You know I had the somewhat stereotypical reaction, being on the other end of that stick of  not getting married, pursuing their career, doing long distance etc. etc. I kept thinking "They're too young, what are they thinking doing that. We're the same age and I could never do that right now. Do they feel this is the only next step in life?" essentially being judgmental. When it comes down to it, it has nothing to do with me so why judge negatively.

I think about it now, having seen the several announcements via facebook in the past ten months and I have re-evaluated my judgements on maybe what I would have considered premature adventures. Perhaps maybe, just maybe they were ready and it IS/WAS the right timing for THEM, not me, THEM.

I think where I come from and having been in a solid relationship for six years I have felt somewhat pressured to feel as though I should be partaking in these adventures, but I have been only perhaps putting that on myself. I do have a couple of family members/ honorary family members who have been discussing the matter of me getting married from time to time, all of which are wishful thinking, never ill meant pressures, and I do know that. I understand it is kind of exciting to talk about the event of getting married and all that goes into it. Not lessening/degrading  how exciting that day is and the act of marriage, because I myself get all "girly" inside when I think about it, but to me the most important part of marriage is the part after it, the rest of your lives together, that is the part I think more about then the actual day. I wonder if people are thinking about that going into it, but I digress.
To me, we as human beings can be selfish and to me marriage and having a family is being 85-90% selfless. I know that sounds crazy and far fetched, but maybe I am idealist (not in the philosophy sense). I am not saying that "x" amount of selfless-ness is always given, again we are only human beings, but until I am willing to be "x" amount of selfless, I am not ready to cross over. When I think about it when you initially get married and children are involved I believe you should, NO I mean to say I should be mmmm...... 65-75% selfless, the remaining selfishness goes towards career, independence, traveling frequently etc. When I, have a family aka babies that amps up to 85-90%, and you must be willing to be that selfless, again I mean ME, I feel that I need to be that selfless. The remaining selfish goes towards secret stash of chocolate that I don't share with my family and the occasional clothes I buy in secret.

So I come back to the part where everyone...... well not everyone, but the people that are getting married and taking big steps in their lives, I now think "wow," wishfully thinking, those individuals are admirably giving up a part of their self for love, and I will eventually catch up, but not quite yet.

Raf Simons for Dior

Keeping up with the upcoming fashion show season I have been particularly interested in what Raf Simons was going to put out for Christian Dior as head creative director. I was pleased in what I have seen in the online collections.

It appears that for his debut collection that he is referencing classic Dior with the ultra feminine cinched waist and contrasting fullness. Although noticeably timeless Christian Dior style, Raf Simons brings definitely his own modern take to the iconographic style lines, with his use of fabric and a breathe of masculinity. What I can really appreciate about the collection, being someone of an minimalist/ androgynous inclined dresser, is the beautiful cohesion of both femininity and masculinity. In my humble opinion even from this one collection, I can assert that I much prefer Raf Simons at Dior then John Galliano.

Image Source: http://www.vam.ac.uk/vastatic/microsites/1486_couture/exhibHighBarSuit.php

Bar' Suit & Hat - Christian Dior

Christian Dior (1905-57)

Paris

1947 spring/summer, Ligne Corolle et en Huit (remade by Dior about 1955)

Suit: jacket, silk shantung by Bianchini Férier

Skirt, wool crêpe

Hat: straw

Given by Christian Dior

Museum no. T.376&A, B-1960

Some of my favorite looks from Raf Simons for Christina Dior Fall Couture 2012 from Vogue.com 

Here are some great articles on commentary on Raf Simons collection as well as his history.

http://www.vogue.com/collections/fall-2012-couture/christian-dior/review/#
http://www.vogue.com/voguepedia/Raf_Simons

shorts!!!

I recently received two sweet messages, one from a girl whom I highly value her opinion and respect her as fellow designer and another from an anonymous reader! I was so flattered two sweet messages in one week! Both of which encouraged me to continue making posts. So I will!

As far as fashion being on my mind lately, well frankly it hasn't at least in the sense of what's going on the high fashion/ conceptual world. Mostly it's been still about job seeking, but anywho I digress.

The only thing lately as far as my fashion sense goes is these shorts, I posted them a couple of posts ago and frankly I have been wearing maybe too often. They are the sweater kind and seriously the shortest shorts I have ever worn but thankfully my booty has yet to fall out of them anddd they make me look like I have much longer legs. Although in the picture below it doesn't appear so. (Our model Melissa is about 6'1"ish in those heels)

Before a show featuring work by Yulie and me as a collaboration collection with one of our models. 

In south carolina. 

My roomie and I before a night on the town, we got our crazy eyes ready for Boystown.

I think its time for another pair and with summer sales going on I might just have to invest in some or repurpose some pants ;).  Although the ones pictured above by Sparkle and Fade from Urban Outfitters were on super sale we'll see if I can find some equally as awesome!

My Own Requirements:

Unique and somewhat interesting in pattern as most of my tops are basic, aka: one color and simple cut.

Reasonably priced.

The right length for my height 5' 4". Often times shorts are too long when they are supposed to be that "boyfriend short" and I am swimming in them and they look more like someone elses shorts, or  in other cases too short for me that "hey here are my booty cheeks, please take a look at them," kind of look and I am not currently looking for either. I am not dissing either its just that I prefer neither.


Here are some shorts I like and recommend:

Highwaisted

I recently came across this website for shopping for designer clothes at a good price but only in their sales section.

I Don't Like Mondays 

Currently on this website I really like these shorts, similarly tribal to my current ones.

Anthropologie

Anthropologie 

Great Buy

Target 

Jcrew Sale Section

Jcrew Sale Section 

on sale now at Urban Outfitters

My own humble opinion on getting shorts: 

You get what you pay for. If you just want shorts for the current summer than yeah pay twenty buck for dem bad boys you're going to wear out. But if you want to break those bad boys out next summer spend a little more dough to get more wear out of them. Either A you pay twenty bucks this summer for a pair of shorts that fall apart and pay an additional twenty bucks next summer that again fall apart or B invest in forty to fifty dollar shorts that will last you three more summers. :) Either way it depends on whether you want to have a different pair of shorts each summer, and the challenge of having to look for new ones each summer. It just depends on your point of view.

I am petite but no celebrity. But here are some examples of petite types and types of shorts I recommend in my humble opinion. I think that all would apply to non petite types as well :) (in my humble opinion of course) 

Celebrity Examples 

Petite/Curvy: Salma Hayek, Kourtney Kardashian

you have curves and are short = you want to balance out proportions and elongate at the same time so I recommend high waisted shorts with subtle print on the shorts, wider at the hemline than the waistline. The hight waist will elongate your legs and the print will balance your curves and the wider pant legs will give you more room for thighs and all of this flattering your curves not hiding them! 

Petite/Boyish: Rachel Bilson, Kate Bosworth

you have no curves and are short: depending on whether you want to embrace your boyish-ness or give it some contrast I have two ways to go with this

embrace:

wear denim boyfriend shorts but on the shorter side again to lengthen the appearance of your legs 

both: 

wearing the denim jeans to both embrace and contrast use a leather belt to cinch in the waist to give the appearance of curves 

contrast:

highwaisted shorts with fuller pant leg to create the illusion of curves 

Petite/Full Figured: Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Simpson (although both their weight fluctuates both equally beautiful in all forms!!) 

You have curves everywhere : I find that tailored shorts are always flattering, and of thicker fabric aka: thicker cotton, denim, etc. They don't have to be tailored down to the hemline just maybe in the waistband or having a yolk to of some kind to give some dimensionality. Patterns and prints are a good way to not block you off into sections, but not too large of prints and not too small. Again higher waisted to give the illusion of longer legs :) 

HOPE THAT WAS HELPFUL AND GET CHO SHORTS ON!!! 

doing

having been on total vacation since graduation i've learned a lot about what i want to do and what plan of action i want to take to continue my venture into the fashion world. at first i was completely mortified getting back from vacationing in south carolina. what should i do? should i get an internship, yes but where and how can i support myself? who will actually accept me as an intern? do i want to work for this company, but what about their mission? so many questions have flooded into my head as i am constantly analyzing and reanalyzing, and what i have realized is that i am entirely scared and that is why i continue to question. if i am constantly questioning, i am not doing, which allows me to put off doing what i need to do, and that is what i am scared of: doing. at the root of doing is the fear of failing in the "doing." the fear of failing has in the past as i have evaluated held me back from many opportunities. the one that comes most to mind is leaving the fashion department halfway through my junior year. i can honestly say that i left in fear that i would fail second semester and not live up the the expectations of my peers and family. i actually left when i was probably at the peak, i had a scholarship under my belt and great constructive feedback from peers and teachers, but it was getting really "hard," and i feared that i could not succeed or overcome whatever it was that i felt i had to achieve. through analyzing this i have found i have a pattern. i could not articulate this revelation when i had it, in the time i decided to go back to the fashion department in my first semester of my second senior year, but i can plainly say that i give up when it gets hard in any situation, like extremely hard. this pattern applies to all things that have occurred in my life: sports, art, relationships, work, real life, school, etc. i really don't know where this fear of failure stems from? at this point its not worth my time worrying over because i will be perpetuating my system of wasting time through questioning and over analyzing.

two teachers of mine who i highly respect, have taught me a tremendous amount about process and practice as an artist, and i finally get what they were saying in their critiques/ one- on- ones with me, ", just do, just do it, don't worry." you would think telling me "just do it"would be simple for me to digest and play out, but for me it's probably one of the hardest motions i can do/could've done. when one is brought up in an environment where you constantly have to analyze the situation, the "life" situation you are handed and look at the results from "doing" you simply apply this analyzation to everything you do. looking back at all the times that i have "just do it," they simply have had the best results: applying to a college i had never visited/thoroughly investigated, purchasing tickets to ireland on a whim/total last second (top five coolest trips and self rewarding trips i have taken), the internship in London, etc.

so from now i am going to just "do" and not worry about the results, taking life as it comes and not worrying about failure, because frankly i have been cutting myself short of life's possibilities.

new start

I have finally graduated school and it is a tremendous weight off my shoulders. However, now all I keep thinking about is how can I get back over there. There being England. I miss it terribly, everything about it the mentality, the people, the things you can do, everything. I wish I could live and work there for possibly the rest of my life. I seriously felt at home there. Hopefully me being stubborn will keep me motivated to eventually get over there.

For now I am going to enjoy life in Chi town :)

Here's to a great summer ahead:

more to come